Honor Your Past, Find Flow in the Present

Last night I dreamed I was back in the rat maze of my past, enclosed in my cubicle, bent over the desk pecking out Lotus 1-2-3 cost-benefit spreadsheets, fighting the tide of never quite good enough, trying to get those rows and columns just right.

Gratefully, I awoke to the present...sun streaming through the sheers, and crawled right down to my yoga mat. Just a dream, I told myself as I began to flow – one movement per breath – in a sequence of belly-down waves, subconscious cobwebs clearing, blood flowing, gratitude setting-in.

Because I’m not a systems analyst, anymore. I’m a yoga teacher!

Just this summer - after years of dreaming and not doing - I applied for and took a job teaching yoga at the local YMCA.

Now, I keep a notebook by my mat, pausing my morning routine to take notes as ideas spark – for poignant cues to accentuate a pose or playful variations on sequences. As I scribble, I feel my heart patter – from the movement, yes, but also from the excitement of bringing this new routine to my students.

I get to share what lights me up – what has saved my body, mind and spirit – what brings me from the past into the present – with others.

At the ripe young age of 61, I have finally found my flow!

How fortunate. Because, at age 23, fresh out of undergrad with a BS in Decision Information Sciences – and for thirty years into my career as a systems analyst – I had mostly swum UP RIVER.

The widely-regarded father of flow, Founder of the field of positive psychology, Mihály Csíkszentmihályi, argued that: when people enjoy what they do — feeling fully engaged and immersed — they experience states of existence beyond the ordinary.

Beyond the ordinary, yes, that’s me with yoga.

He describes flow as “those moments when our consciousness intensifies, our self-consciousness disappears, and we perform at our best.” (Csikszentmihalyi, 2009, 2016) Too much challenge and you’re in over your head – you’re stressed – you cannot get that sweet sense of satisfaction over accomplishment. On the other hand, too much mastery results in boredom or apathy. Flow is that sweet spot.

From my experience, there’s a deeper, more mystical element to flow – it’s about one’s calling.

When I think back to those early career girl days, dressed in boxy wool suits, shoulder-pads to my ears, striding into the marble lobby for another 12-hour day – oh, I feel for that that kid. Practical pumps and control top pantyhose and combination-lock briefcase – impossible to find flow in that Reganomics’ getup!

Following in my scientific parents’ footsteps – oblivious to my own loves of movement and creative arts – determined to gain financial independence, avoiding the pitfalls of my mother and her generation – I was playing a role. The work, much of the time, was challenging to the point of overwhelm. For me, as well as the clients upon whom we foisted new (and often unstable) technology, the resistance was palpable.

As I strove for recognition, another rung on the ladder, hard-won in the 90s glass-ceiling’d tech world, I funneled chunks of paycheck into 401ks and stock options. Good for me for investing in the future – though at the expense of joy in the present.

It wasn’t all bad. It was a chapter in my life – decades-long. I learned a lot, worked a lot, strived and stressed and saved a lot. By all objective accounts, I was successful. I even, eventually, made Principal.

Though I was not in flow.

Now, by contrast, I don Lycra and slip into flipflops and toss my yoga roll over my shoulder, and head to the office – a studio space at the Y with torche lamp light and a playlist of kirtan floating on the air. My ‘clientele’ – or sangha – is seated before me, cross-legged, faces receptive – everyone ready to move in flow TOGETHER.

As I bow, I send a silent prayer of thanks to that kid who sacrificed all those years so I, now 60, get to do what I love –

immersed in space where I can be my best –

flowing with the currents, not against them.

Reflection:

• Where do you find YOUR flow (that place where you tend to lose a sense of time and yourself)?

• Where do you tend to feel the opposite – in over your head, on the one hand, or bored and disengaged on the other?

• How might you bring more flow into your daily life? Who might help encourage you?

Invitation:

Find your flow with me, Marina (my middle name and new flowy yogini moniker) in a workshop of Yoga and Creativity. Find out more here:  https://www.seechangeconsulting.com/workshop2025

If you can’t make this one, come to the next. I plan to offer it again.