I’ve reached a milestone, friends.
I hold in my hands 40 years’ and 350 pages worth of memories excavated, ideas researched, chapters written, workshopped, and rewritten countless times, enclosed within the hardcover of a blue three-ring binder. It’s weighty – it’s real – I can page through and see how I’ve transformed difficult thoughts and feelings into words, sentences, paragraphs – imagery, action, dialogue, tension, climax, resolution. THE END.
Mmm, not quite.
Turns out, in this newly bound fourth version, the pages are riddled with editorial comments and redlines, feedback from an astute professional editor I hired for the purpose of pointing out blind spots and raising the level of my writing to where I might (I will) be ready for an agent and publisher.
Amidst Ronit Plank’s (https://ronitplank.com/) generous compliments – “powerful physical and emotional details” “strong arc and heroine’s journey” “clear-eyed when exploring your own patterns and contradictions” – there were sharp and shape-shifting criticisms.
Careful of self-pity on the page. The supporting characters need more depth. Narrator Anne needs more voice.
These comments, some of them hard to digest, ring true. There is more excavating to do.
But my project team is overworked, underpaid, and fed-up.
Deborah the Dejected One shakes her head. “This is just impossible. Obviously, I’m just not good enough. My writing and my life are worthless.” She’s a bit dramatic.
Patti the Impatient One has really got to get this thing done and move on to the next one. “We’ve got other books lined up. New ideas to get out. Let’s not waste another minute trying to get this thing right.”
Carmela the Confused One does not know where to re-begin. “With the edits or the spreadsheet of agents – or maybe I’ll write a blog post today, instead.”
Do you have these myriad sides to your creative self – a cast characters in your head that make you doubt your direction? They’re real – that’s for sure. They will stop you.
After two weeks of moping, Suzi the Systems Analyst puts her foot down and takes charge. She can be useful. “We’re not abandoning this baby now. We just need a plan!” We get all the steps on the white board. We prioritize and number them. It’s a sound plan.
But Suzi is not my ticket; a systems analyst, alone, cannot make art.
There’s Marina Muse, the creative one. She sits down at the desk to let the mind go, words flow, adding poignant brushstrokes to fill in some holes, paint the characters with color and texture and tenderness. Yes, beautiful, clarifying prose.
We need her; but Marina Muse will not get me across the finish line.
“She won’t?” you ask, as did I, in consulting with my beloved, intuitive coach friend, Stacey Guenther. (https://awakenedimpact.com/) Stacey happens to be writing a book, herself, and is involved in a similar process with her book-to-be, Coherence: Cultivating Group Magic.
“What’s Your Higher Self say?” She pumps her perfectly arched eyebrows and smiles with her eyes.
“Who’s that?” I crinkle my nose. I know she’s about to get woo-woo on me. Stacey studies and teaches a way of relating to one another and the world that emphasizes Being over Doing.
“You know, the expansive one, the one that sees the big picture.” Stacey leans forward, elbows on her knees.
I shift in my chair, reach down to pet Bodi, who sits, poised, at my feet. “Uhh. Is this a test?” I chuckle as my mind goes a bit scrambly – a habit of mine – when someone asks a particularly deep or revealing question. “The Divine One.”
“Yes. The one who believes something bigger, more spacious.” She pans her arm through the air between us.
I grin as the sky of my mind opens and I recall the #1 desire on my list of Five Big Beautiful Book Goals. “To write for the creative, cathartic joy of it in hopes of touching and inspiring others,” I declare. I’ve memorized this one from the neon poster tacked above my desk.
“Exactly, my friend.” Stacey falls back in her chair and exhales.
“How could I forget that?”
“Just because you’re in a new phase with this project. But that #1 goal has to stay with you. The whole way.”
“On my book tour, I’ll need it.” I delight at that thought.
“That’s right. You’re Higher Self has gotta run the show."
"With the Muse and Analyst in service to her. "A triumvirate!” I draw a triangle on my notebook paper.
“I like that. Higher Self at the apex. The other thing? Don’t rush this. Divine work doesn’t get done on a schedule. Don’t let Patti Impatient push you. You got time.”
"Ahh," I exhale, feeling relief and a tiny trill of excitement.
I have a chance, now, to go even deeper level with this memoir – the editor has given me a gift. I will accept it with gratitude, because this is not just a book, but it’s my Divine Life Project: creative, cathartic, joyful, healing.
Questions for you and YOUR Divine Life Project…
· Who is your Higher Self?
· What is her Divine goal?
· Who supports her?
· Who gets in the way?