Love Over Hate (Starts with Yourself)

On Sunday, Bad Bunny (aka Benito Antonio Martínez Ocasio) took the Superbowl stage and said “The only thing more powerful than hate is love.” Well, he didn’t actually say it – he sang it (in Spanish) – he danced it – he EMBODIED it.

That’s my language.

In this Valentines week – in a time when our country (and world) feels so divisive and divided – we, too, can – and must – embody LOVE.

To do this for real – not just in a billboard or words – we go inward. Our body and our breath hold the keys.

I know this – I felt this – just the opposite – on Superbowl night – at a bar on Chincoteague Island. I come to the island one week per month to teach yoga and to be in my musey flowy place surrounded by sea.

But I was not exactly in yogi flow that night. At the bar – a cozy divey locals place I infrequently frequent – I came for a little community – to be in the energy of game day and of strangers. Besides, I couldn’t get the game on my TV.

As the festivities began – and the little off-season joint began to fill up – all you can eat tacos to go with the game – and the previews played on the flat screen – Bad Bunny flashed on – and I started to get excited. I don’t mind football – as a kid I was a fan – but the half-time show was what I really came for.

It was not what the couple beside me had come for. They barked at the TV: “You can’t even understand ‘em.”

“I can,” I turned to them, jaw tightened, voice upbeat, as my mind raced toward assumption. I knew about the ‘All American’ Kid Rock alternative half-time show. Talk about division. I was playing right into it.

“Beautiful language. Me gusta mucho Espanol.” I smiled and sipped my beer as the tiniest tendril of disdain coiled around my heart.  

The couple slid a few bar stools away. They felt it.

Right there – among the three of us – we’d created separation.

Disdain inside me morphed into blame – then into shame – then into loss – in a matter of seconds.

We could have enjoyed the show together.

Instead, I paid my tab and left.  I went back to my chilly house, dressed in my PJs, and fed myself nachos and murder mystery.

It didn’t have to be that way.

On Superbowl Monday, I awoke to the headlines: the Seahawks won (yay!). But that wasn’t the news: Bad Bunny was. His salsa energy resonated and reverberated all around the world.

Stretched out in child’s pose, as I prepared for my afternoon yoga class, I felt the remorse spread through my torso.

Breath calming, I spotted it: the second arrow. Not cupid’s – the arrow of self-hatred had pierced me. The critic turned inward: I could have, should have done better – been the love that I preach – connected versus divided.

Thank Goddess for the exhale – because in that space I remembered: Oh, I’m human. I deserve my own lovingkindness.

On the mat, moving through a vinyasa, body supported by Mother Earth, the tendrils around my heart began to loosen.

Breathe lovingkindness INTO your heart. Exhale it out to the world.

In class, on the week of Valentines, that’s exactly what we needed. This sweetness – like a heart-shaped morsel of chocolate - is healing.

That lovingkindness practice saved me. It's how – over my four-year nomad journey – I healed my relationship with my crooked, blessed spine, and myself. From fearful and contracted to open and powerful.

HuffPost Personal just published my essay about that journey. I’m excited to share it with you. Let me know if it resonates. https://www.huffpost.com/entry/scoliosis-surgery-spine-x-rays-pain-relief_n_6950391ae4b04fa744dbe384

For Valentine's – in place of chocolate, I offer two simple poses to open your heart, gently.

• Lotus Flower – From seated or standing: Inhale, arms overhead – reach reach reach; Exhale, cactus your arms, shine your chest to the sky.  Inhale, fold forward, give yourself a hug. Exhale, open, cactus your arms, open the chest. Flow it – open, close, breathing into the heart space.

• Cat-cow – From a stable tabletop: Inhale lift the tailbone, drop the belly, raise the chest and gaze toward the sky - Cow. Exhale – tuck the tailbone, round the spine, lower the head – Cat. Take it slow, let it flow to the pace of your own breath.

This gift you give to yourself becomes a gift to others. Extend it freely – share it freely with family, friends, even strangers in a bar.